You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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