you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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