I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
