i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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