i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
