Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
