life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
