hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
