Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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