he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
