I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
