How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
