I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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