It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
