If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
