Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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