Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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