Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
