You can't motorboat a personality
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
