My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
