I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize