he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
