i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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