Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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