careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize