I'm jealous of your bromance
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
