Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
