even my farts smell like vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
