im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
