spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
