You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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