I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
