we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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