In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
