i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
