you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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