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• (630): View more from Illinois

  oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.

  (310): View more from California

  ***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to

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• (818): View more from California

  what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday

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• (347): View more from New York

  These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.

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• (315): View more from New York

  found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child

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