So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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