Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
