Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
