I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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