He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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