got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
