I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This toilet bowl is my home.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize