Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
