I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
