He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
