Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
