I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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