Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
