I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
