The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
