I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
