im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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