I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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