Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
