the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
where are you?
Hypothermia
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
