Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize