drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
