I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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