wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
