Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
