just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
