Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
