well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
