shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
