I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
