Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

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(937): View more from Ohio

how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them

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(650): View more from California

we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed

(505): View more from New Mexico

god you guys know how to party

(650): View more from California

worst. bachelorette party. ever.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now

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(231): View more from Michigan

Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays

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