Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
