I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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