All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
