what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
