I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
