So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
